The Mommy Wars and the Non-Reality of The Bump

I have been posting on the message boards on TheKnot, TheNest, and TheBump for the past few years. I enjoy posting there and I have learned a ton and I’ve made some really good friends. But sometimes I need a reminder that these boards are not reality. They’re sort of a bubble – separate from the rest of the world and things get a little…skewed.

When Caelan was sleeping through the night at 2 months old and Bill and I thought we were sitting pretty, I learned from TheBump a little bit about what was to come. The dreaded 4 Month Wakeful period. Everyone on TheBump knows about the 4 Month Wakeful (or 4MW, for short) so I was sure that all parents knew about it. Bill gave me a blank stare when I mentioned it to him but I said confidently, “Ask your friends at work who have kids – they’ll know!”. Well, he asked several friends (with many kids between them) and none of them had ever heard of the so-called 4MW. So I asked my non-Bump friends and learned that they hadn’t heard of it either. A little bit of reading and research told me that there is often a period of regression in sleep habits around 3-5 months of age, coinciding with a significant leap in cognitive development, but the term “4MW” seemed to be a Bump thing.

That was the first time I took a step back and reminded myself that TheBump is not an accurate sampling of real life. Yes, lots of my Bumpie friends went through the 4MW with their kids (and we did with Caelan), but that doesn’t mean everyone does.

Another thing I’ve learned on TheBump is that for every choice Bill and I make for how to raise Caelan, there is someone out there who will judge us for it. Someone out there would never do what we’ve done and thinks that we’ve now “ruined” our child. But we haven’t. Yes, we formula feed and we send Caelan to daycare while we both work. We use disposable diapers and feed him store-bought baby food. We let him sleep on his stomach and we’ve given him juice. He slept in our bed with us on many rough nights and eventually we let him cry it out (CIO) in his crib in his own room.

Someone (in real life and on TheBump) is going to judge us for all of those decisions. These are the Mommy Wars. Millions of moms out there turning their noses up at other moms for making parenting decisions different than their own. Misinformation is spreading like wildfire and is being used to fuel these arguments. It does make for some interesting entertainment on the boards, but I’ve encountered far less hostility over these issues in real life.

Sometimes, it’s easy to get caught up in the hysteria of something. “Omg, have we been letting him watch too much tv?? Is his brain rotted already??” Yeah, probably not. We just have to remember that most parents out there are just winging it (like we are) and trying to do what they think is best for their child(ren) and their family. My kid is happy and healthy and we’re doing what’s best for our family. Since that’s all that matters, I’m going to take a pass on those Wars if you don’t mind.

Valentine’s Day: A Change of Perspective

Back in high school when I first started dating, I hated anything that could be considered a romantic gesture: flowers, jewelry, etc. I was annoyed any time I received a gift like this from a guy I was dating. And of course I hated Valentine’s Day because that usually brought out even more of this mushy romantic stuff and I turned my nose up at it. I was kind of a bitch in high school.

One year, the guy I was dating at the time broke up with me on Valentine’s Day and I was crushed. After that, of course Valentine’s Day was even more evil and no good could ever come from this wretched “holiday”. I guess I was overly-dramatic in high school too, but hey, I was a teenager. They are, by nature, bitchy and dramatic.

In my single late-high school and college years, I adopted an angry attitude about V-Day. I’m pretty sure I burned a mix CD of angry songs about it. I even gave the “collection” a clever title (that escapes me now).

I was in my mid-20′s when I met Bill and started what would be my first and (thankfully!) last adult relationship. We celebrated Valentine’s Day like civilized adults with a dinner date and by exchanging small gifts. Four years ago on February 15, 2008 (technically the day after V-Day, but it was our V-Day date so it counts) Bill nervously got down on one knee in a restaurant and asked me to marry him. And Valentine’s Day was redeemed.

Over the years, we’ve celebrated V-Day in a low-key fashion. Usually a dinner date, flowers, candy, and maybe a small gift. Yes, those are all the things that used to annoy me back in high school but things change after 15+ years.

This year was our first V-Day as parents. We planned a dinner date, lined up some grandparents to take the kiddo for the evening, and planned another low-key but much needed date night. That date didn’t end up happening. First the kiddo got sick, then me, then Bill, then a trip to the hospital, then the kiddo got sick again and date night plans were scrapped. I spent the actual V-Day at home with our kiddo who has a stomach virus. I’ll spare you the details of my day but you can imagine.

But you know? It’s okay. There were still flowers and candy and cards. And we can (and will) go to dinner another night. (There’s no shortage of grandparents eager to babysit around here!) I’m glad all of the angst that used to surround this holiday is gone. What’s really important is that Bill and I love each other, we love our kiddo, and now that the holiday is over…candy will be on sale for half price

How to Color Icing

I’ve seen a few posts lately on Facebook and on my message board asking how to color icing, so I thought I would write up a quick tutorial.

When you think of food color, you probably think of this:

The basic liquid food coloring in the little squeeze droppers. This kind of color is great for coloring liquids (like for dying eggs) or for making pastels where you only need a tiny bit of color.

The problem with liquid colors is that if you need to make a dark color, you’ll need to use a ton of dye and the liquid will affect the consistency (and possibly taste) of your icing. So what’s the alternative? Concentrated gel colors.

The above pictured gel colors are made by Wilton and are available in tons of different shades. You can get them at stores like Michael’s, Hobby Lobby, or JoAnn’s (or online too of course). They cost about $2 for a 1 oz jar.

To give you an idea of the difference in concentration between the liquids and the gels, let’s look back to a full sheet cake I made about a year ago. I was making red velvet cake and I would have needed about 12 oz of liquid red color for that cake (to the tune of about $30). Instead, I used gel color and used about 1/2 an ounce (about $1).

So how do you use gel colors? It’s pretty easy actually. All you need is…

• Bowl of icing
• Gel colors
• Tooth picks
• Spatula and/or mixer

To color your white icing, dip the tip of a toothpick into the jar of color and then swirl the toothpick around in the bowl of icing. A little goes a long way, so just add a tiny bit at a time. Mix with a mixer and/or spatula.

If the icing isn’t dark enough yet, get a new toothpick and dip it in the color again, then swirl in the icing and mix. Repeat until you have the color you want. Color the whole batch at once since it will be very difficult to mix up another batch later and match the color.

The color will darken the longer it sits. Check out these cupcakes for example:

 

These were both iced from the same batch of icing (and cropped out of the same photo). The one on the left I iced first, then stuck it in the fridge. I also put the remaining icing (in a sealed plastic container) in the fridge overnight. The next morning, I put the remaining icing in the mixer for a few minutes, then iced the cupcake on the right.

Mixing the right shade can be a little difficult. Especially with a dark color, like red. True red is so difficult to get right! Wilton has 3 different shades of red to choose from: Christmas Red (kind of blueish), Red-Red (true red), and No-Taste Red (more coral-y). The fact that a no-taste version exists is proof that it takes A LOT of dye to get a true red. However, I always use Red-Red for my reds because I don’t like the lighter shade of the no-taste version and I have never noticed a taste left by the dye.

Below on the left is one of my very first cakes, when I still used liquid red food coloring (and before I learned how to pipe a shell border – yikes). The one on the right was made using a gel color.

 

For more info on decorating cupcakes specifically, check out my Cupcake Tutorial post!

Brought to you by the letter S and the number 32

Okay I’ve been listening to too much Sesame Street…

Today is my 32nd birthday. It’s not much of a milestone, but according to my “research” it’s a happy number so that’s a good thing, right?!

I share my birthday with…

• Justin Timberlake (31)
• Minnie Driver (41)
• Nolan Ryan (65)
• Jackie Robinson (1919-1972)

…and plenty of others.

Some randomness about the number 32…[source]

• 32 is the ninth happy number.
• ASCII and Unicode code point for space.
• the smallest number n with exactly 7 solutions to the equation φ(x) = n.
• the atomic number of germanium.
• the freezing point of water at sea level in degrees Fahrenheit.
• Messier 32, a magnitude 9.0 galaxy in the constellationAndromeda which is a companion to M31.
• The code for international direct dial phone calls to Belgium.
• the number of completed, numbered piano sonatas by Ludwig van Beethoven
• the number worn by Philadelphia Phillies Hall of Famer Steve Carlton.
• the number worn by Los Angeles Lakers Hall of Famer Magic Johnson.

And of course, 32 is how old my husband was when he met me. Hard to believe I was only 25!

I never thought I’d be a programmer

I graduated from college in December 2003 and spent a year sending out resumes and trying to find a job in my field (IT). I had a really hard time finding something, most likely because I had no work experience at all. Well, not in this field anyway. I sent out close to 100 resumes and I went on only about a half dozen interviews.

I finally interviewed with a small consulting company in my hometown for a programming position. Now when I was in school, I hated programming. HATED. As in, I cried and cursed and frantically tried to get my mess of a program to compile at 11:59pm so I could submit it by midnight. And I swore I could never be a programmer because of how frustrating and stressful it is.

In the year between getting my degree and getting my job, I built a website. It’s no longer up and running, but I designed and built a Harry Potter website called 12 Grimmauld Place. I had learned HTML and CSS in one of the last courses I took at UMBC and I enjoyed the structure and organization of writing a webpage. I picked up a familiarity with JavaScript during this process – enough to copy a free sample of code and tweak it for my use.

It turns out that that got me my job.

Seven years ago today I sat in this same chair at this same desk in front of this same screen with that JavaScript book in my lap as I was thrown into the deep end and asked to write some original code. It took me a little bit of time to come up to speed, but I learned quickly.

Now I’m a senior staff member, having been here longer than most of the others. I’m not sure whether or not I thought I’d be here this long and I’m not sure whether or not I’ll stay another 7 years. But I work for a company full of good people who took a chance on me and I will always be grateful for that.

Moments of Clarity

Every now and then it hits me. OMG I HAVE A BABY. A BABY. I’m somebody’s mother. It’s absolutely surreal.

Right after Caelan was born, and even now almost 8 (!) months later, Bill and I will randomly whisper to each other incredulously: “Hon…we have a baby. We made him out of nothing.” Now we joke that we made him out of macaroni & cheese and Subway, with some iced tea thrown in there too (yeah we’re healthy).

Now that he’s getting older, I’m catching more and more glimpses of familiar in his face and expressions. I think he looks like Bill, but I think a lot of his facial expressions and mannerisms are like mine.

Before you get annoyed with my gushing, let me assure you that we are not always basking in the warm comforting glow of parenthood. And to answer my family’s often-asked question…No, we do not just sit around and stare at the baby all the time! Most of the time we are just doing normal everyday stuff. We cook dinner, wash dishes and bottles, fold laundry in front of the TV, wrestle a baby into a clean diaper while he tries to crawl off the changing pad, try to feed him while he’s intent on keeping his mouth closed, try to stave off a melt down, or try to get our reluctant napper to go down for more than 30 minutes on a weekend. That’s why those little moments of clarity are so welcome. Yeah, we’re tired and frustrated sometimes, but look! We made this baby and look how cute he is

And now, a few gratuitous photos… (please excuse the poor quality, they’re phone pics)

My 100th Post

100 posts in 2-ish years really isn’t that many, but it seemed like a milestone worth mentioning! I am still surprised that people actually read my blog so I thought I would take a little poll and find out how exactly I came to have “followers”.

I am also well aware that if I want to continue having “followers” I need to post more often! I’m really going to try and work on that this year I have several half-written posts floating around but none of them have taken their final form as of yet. But stay tuned, and thank you for reading!!

C is for Cookie

[pictures from Kristy]

I made a baby shower cake last October for Benjamin’s mom, Kristy, when she was pregnant with him. It’s one of my all time favorites! So when Kristy asked if I could make cakes for Benjamin’s first birthday I was happy to do it AND she had a great idea. We used the pictures below (click on them for the sources) to come up with a plan for a 1/4 sheet cake and 2 dozen cupcakes.

I decided to use the yellow cake recipe I found over at Smitten Kitchen. I’ve used this recipe once before and I know it makes a nice dense cake which would be great for carving since the plan here was to carve the sheet cake into a #1. I added chocolate chips into the mix since Kristy wanted a chocolate chip cake.

I made up 1 batch of chocolate buttercream icing to fill the sheet cake and I made up 2.5 batches of vanilla buttercream for the top of the cake and the cupcakes.

For the fondant decorations, I used white and black fondant to make 25 sets of googly eye balls. I also cut out some large dots in red, orange, green, and blue for the cake. I used mini Chips Ahoy cookies for the cupcakes.

For the Cookie Monster topper, I decided to make it out of blue fondant and then use royal icing for the fur. I was sort of winging it here because I wasn’t sure if the royal icing would stick to the fondant, but it did. I used a grass tip (Wilton’s #233) for the fur for both the Cookie Monster topper and the cupcakes and it worked perfectly.

I made these cakes and their decorations over the course of 4 days. I meant to count how many hours I spent on it, but it was hard to tell. I took lots of breaks to take care of my son so that made counting hours tricky. I think it was about 8-10 hours total though.

As much as I am happy I took on this project and as proud I am of how it turned out, it reminded me that I do not have the luxury of 8-10 extra hours in a week for cake baking. It’s really hard to make it work these days. I am in awe of those moms out there who work full time, take care of munchkins, and still have time for a time-consuming hobby like this….’cause I really don’t.

Holiday Fudge

This past weekend, I made 4 different varieties of fudge to give as gifts this year. I like this gift idea because it’s holiday-ish, plus fudge is good and easy, AND JoAnn’s always has a 50% off sale on lots of cute tins for cookies, candy, etc.

I kept the varieties pretty simple since I am giving this away and I don’t know what people might like (except my grandparents – I know they like chocolate with nuts).

Here are the embarrassingly simple recipes I used. I made a half a batch of each kind and altogether it filled 2 8×8 dishes (about 4lbs).

Chocolate Fudge (with and without walnuts mixed in)

Layered Mint Chocolate Fudge

White Chocolate Fudge (without cherries)

Chocolate Almond Mini Cupcakes

I had 2 events for which I wanted to provide baked goods and they were within a week of each other. One was a party given by Caelan’s daycare provider for all of the parents and one was my office holiday party. So I decided to take a shortcut and use a boxed cake mix to make mini cupcakes. A batch of cake batter will make a zillion mini cupcakes (I got 5 dozen out of it before I ran out of liners, but there was a little bit of batter left). I used a French Vanilla mix (because I had it on hand) and I added some almond extract.

I decided I would dip the cupcakes in chocolate ganache before frosting them with almond buttercream. I used the ganache recipe found in this post from Annie’s Eats. I had some leftover almond buttercream from the anniversary cupcakes I had made the week before so I just used that. I think the almond flavor was a lot stronger after having been in the fridge for a few days (and that wasn’t necessarily a good thing). I garnished the mini cupcakes with some shaved milk chocolate.

I brought a dozen and a half or so of these to the daycare party and put the rest in the fridge (unfrosted, un-ganached). I never did get around to finishing the ones for my office party. Sorry coworkers. But I was kind of “meh” on how these turned out anyway. I don’t know what it was, but the flavor was kind of off.

So since I had several dozen of these leftover, I wrapped them up and put them in the freezer. I’ve never frozen cupcakes before, so it’s kind of an experiment. We’ll see if they’re any good if I ever defrost them.