Caelan Conversations, Part 13


Caelan hears the word “America” on the radio and having recently learned about America for the 4th of July…

CAELAN: America? I don’t see America around here!


Caelan and Pop are outside playing golf

CAELAN (matter of factly): We’re going to put the golf away, and then we’re going to go inside and then *I* am going to poop.


At dinner…

CAELAN: I need a spoon for my ketchup.

BILL: Dude, no you don’t.

CAELAN: Okay, I’ll use my fork.

SARAH: Why don’t you use a chicken nugget??

And then he ate his blob of ketchup on its own, with a fork.


Out of the blue…

CAELAN: Daddy, do you have any questions?

BILL: Um…about what?

CAELAN: About trains.

BILL: Oh yes, I have lots of questions about trains!


CAELAN: When is James’ birthday?

SARAH: James has the same birthday as you, June 1.

CAELAN: James the train?

SARAH: No, not James the train…

I pause to try and figure out how to identify James…

CAELAN: Number 1 Mackenzie’s brother, James?


Caelan has 2 friends named M(a)ckenzie and he differentiates them by calling one “Number 1 Mackenzie” (he met her first) and the other “Number 2 McKenzie” (he met her second).


CAELAN: Daddy, what does “E E” spell?

BILL: Um, nothing, buddy. Where did you see that?

CAELAN: I’ll show you.

Caelan takes Bill back to our bedroom and shows him this…



CAELAN: I need a new car.

BILL: Why do you need a new car?

CAELAN: I need a race car to go to work.

BILL: Why do you need to go to work?

CAELAN: Because I need money.

BILL: What do you need money for?

CAELAN: I’m full of money. I need more money.


CAELAN: Daddy, you’re my best friend.

BILL: I thought Evan was your best friend?

CAELAN: Evan wasn’t there today [at school].

SARAH (to Bill): I think you should take it, hon.


One morning, we saw some vultures in our parking lot near the dumpster.

The following morning…

CAELAN: Mommy, are we going to see vultures today?

SARAH: I dunno hon, maybe.

CAELAN: Can I hit the vultures?


CAELAN: Can I push the vultures?

SARAH (bewildered): No!

CAELAN (picks up a small inflatable ball): Can I throw balls at vultures?

SARAH: No, you can’t throw balls at vultures!! (I could not have dreamed up this sentence in a million years.)



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